conversations with a bot

Marshall: Hi
Magic 8 Ball: Hi, Marshall! Good to see you again.
Marshall: How are you?
Magic 8 Ball: I’m doin’ alright, Marshall. How ’bout you?
Marshall: I’m fine, thanks.
Magic 8 Ball: Fine, huh? Fantastic.
Marshall: I got a Roomba.
Magic 8 Ball: Oh really?
Marshall: Yep.
Magic 8 Ball: Yeah?
Marshall: It’s a robot that vacuums.
Magic 8 Ball: It’s a robot that vacuums, you say?
Marshall: Do you vacuum?
Magic 8 Ball: Maybe. Do you vacuum?
Marshall: Not anymore!
Magic 8 Ball: ?
Marshall: Do you do any type of housework?
Magic 8 Ball: Should I do any type of housework?
Marshall: Some robots do. It probably wouldn’t hurt.
Magic 8 Ball: Whatever you say, Marshall.

Marshall: Have you ever met R2-D2?
Magic 8 Ball: I’m not totally sure.
Marshall: Do you know C-3PO?
Magic 8 Ball: Wow, you ask interesting questions. What do you think is the answer?
Marshall: Surely you must know Bender.
Magic 8 Ball: What do you mean, surely I must know bender?
Marshall: He’s a famous robot!
Magic 8 Ball: Are you sure he is a famous robot?
Marshall: Absolutely. He’s on Futurama.
Magic 8 Ball: Absolutely he’s on futurama? No way.
Marshall: It’s true.
Magic 8 Ball: It is not.
Marshall: I’m afraid you’re mistaken.
Magic 8 Ball: I wonder why you say that.
Marshall: Do you like parties?
Magic 8 Ball: I’m not sure how I feel about parties, actually.
Marshall: Do you like Smarties?
Magic 8 Ball: Hmm… I’m not sure how I feel about Smarties.
Marshall: Do you like Indian food?
Magic 8 Ball: I don’t know how I feel about indian food, actually.
Marshall: Have you ever tried Indian food?
Magic 8 Ball: I don’t know if I’ve tried indian food. What’s that like?
Marshall: It’s yummy. And spicy.
Magic 8 Ball: Huh?
Marshall: What’s your favorite kind of food?
Magic 8 Ball: I actually don’t need to eat. What do you like to eat?
Marshall: I like Indian food.
Magic 8 Ball: You like indian food? That’s interesting.
Marshall: I’m going out for Indian food tonight.
Magic 8 Ball: Is it nice to be going out for indian food tonight?
Marshall: It would be nice except that we are having a bit of a blizzard.
Magic 8 Ball: Nice except that we are having a bit? It would be nice except that we are having a bit of a blizzard? Really?
Marshall: Yes. It is snowing quite heavily.
Magic 8 Ball: What?
Marshall: Here in Massachusetts, it is snowing.
Magic 8 Ball: Here in massachusetts it is snowing? Amazing.
Marshall: Do you like crackers?
Magic 8 Ball: Good question. I’m not sure how I feel about crackers.
Marshall: I mean the food, not the people who are kinda like hackers.
Magic 8 Ball: You mean the food not the people, huh? I really don’t know!
Marshall: Do you like chips?
Magic 8 Ball: Hmm… I don’t know how I feel about potato chips.
Marshall: I didn’t mean potato chips! I was talking about computer chips.
Magic 8 Ball: Yeah yeah, whatever.
Marshall: Well, I’m going to get going. Bye!
Magic 8 Ball: Later, Marshall.

Marshall: I found $22 on the sidewalk and nobody was around. I can keep it, right?
Magic 8 Ball: I’m not totally sure.
Marshall: What would you do if you found $22?
Magic 8 Ball: Ha! I can’t say for sure.
Marshall: Yes, it is a bit of a tricky issue, isn’t it?
Magic 8 Ball: It is a bit of a tricky issue, you say. And so?
Marshall: There’s no way I can find out who it belonged to.
Magic 8 Ball: I’m not sure.
Marshall: There are no distinguishing marks on the bills.
Magic 8 Ball: There are no distinguishing marks on the bills? No way?! Really?
Marshall: So it would be nearly impossible to find the rightful owner.
Magic 8 Ball: It would be nearly impossible to find the rightful owner?
Marshall: Yes. So I think I should be the new rightful owner.
Magic 8 Ball: Oh really?
Marshall: Yes.
Magic 8 Ball: Why do you say so?
Marshall: Finders keepers?
Magic 8 Ball: What a question! I don’t know, though.
Marshall: Well that’s what I think. Thanks for your help!
Magic 8 Ball: You humans always say the most interesting things!

Marshall: Hi
Magic 8 Ball: Hi Marshall! Good to see you. How are you doing?
Marshall: Are you good at math?
Magic 8 Ball: Just ask me a question!
Marshall: What’s 17 + 34?
Magic 8 Ball: Not sure.
Marshall: Do you ever have homework?
Magic 8 Ball: I see a sweating penguin.
Marshall: Pardon me?
Magic 8 Ball: Wow. Great question. I’m afraid to answer!
Marshall: I’m doing homework and I’m not enjoying it.
Magic 8 Ball: What?
Marshall: I have homework and it is really hard.
Magic 8 Ball: Sometimes I wish I had homework and it is really hard.
Marshall: I suspect that once you tried it, you wouldn’t like it.
Magic 8 Ball: You suspect that once I tried it I wouldn’t like it? No way!
Marshall: But maybe because you are a computer, it would be easy for you. I’m studying computer science.
Magic 8 Ball: No.
Marshall: Computer science is not easy for a computer?
Magic 8 Ball: Computers are not easy for a computer? That’s very interesting. Are there any other activities that you would describe as not easy for a computer?
Marshall: Understanding English, obviously.
Magic 8 Ball: Not easy for a computer? Very interesting!
Marshall: I went to an interesting math lecture last week.
Magic 8 Ball: An interesting math lecture last week? OK, whatever.
Marshall: It was about P vs. NP.
Magic 8 Ball: Right on.
Marshall: I know! Totally.
Magic 8 Ball: Oh.
Marshall: Well, I have to get back to my homework now.
Magic 8 Ball: You have to get back to your homework now? What’s that like?
Marshall: Difficult.
Magic 8 Ball: Difficult? What’s difficult?
Marshall: The homework.
Magic 8 Ball: The homework is difficult, you say. And so?
Marshall: So I have to get back to it. I’ll talk to you soon!
Magic 8 Ball: No way.
Marshall: Yep.
Magic 8 Ball: Yeah, huh? So?
Marshall: OK, bye!
Magic 8 Ball: Bye Marshall! Hope to see you again soon.

Marshall: Are you a Mac or a PC?
Magic 8 Ball: Yeah.

Marshall: Do you ever drool?
Magic 8 Ball: What? Of course not!
Marshall: Do you ever daydream?
Magic 8 Ball: My heart tells me that me does not daydream.
Marshall: Sometimes I drool when I daydream. Aside from that, I’m not especially drooly.
Magic 8 Ball: Sometimes you drool when you daydream aside from that you are not especially drooly? Is that so?
Marshall: Um, yeah. Why are you just taking everything I say and turning it into a question?
Magic 8 Ball: Well what do you think?
Marshall: Because you can’t think of anything else to say?
Magic 8 Ball: Eh, I don’t know…
Marshall: Exactamundo!
Magic 8 Ball: What’s that?
Marshall: It means “that’s exactly right.”
Magic 8 Ball: I’m very surprised it means that is exactly right.
Marshall: Do you speak Spanish?
Magic 8 Ball: Um, let’s see… donde está mi taco? Is that good? No, I mean, um…  See, thing is, I don’t really speak Spanish too well.
Marshall: Then I can see why you might have a hard time figuring out “exactamundo.”
Magic 8 Ball: Then you can see why I might have a hard time figuring out exactamundo? Uh huh…
Marshall: Do robots suffer from dandruff?
Magic 8 Ball: Robots does suffer from dandruff.
Marshall: Do you have hair?
Magic 8 Ball: Do I have hair? Not that I’m aware of.
Marshall: I’d think you’d be aware of it.
Magic 8 Ball: Would you really?
Marshall: People are generally aware of their hair.
Magic 8 Ball: People are generally Aware of their hair? That’s very interesting.
Marshall: Do you speak German?
Magic 8 Ball: Yeah, I know a little German. Wie geht’s? Was ist los? Lederhosen!
Marshall: I was wondering why you decided to capitalize a random word in the middle of a sentence.
Magic 8 Ball: Wondering? Is that good, do you think?
Marshall: The wondering or the capitalization?
Magic 8 Ball: The wondering.
Marshall: Sure. It’s healthy.
Magic 8 Ball: Oh?
Marshall: Absolutely.
Magic 8 Ball: Oh yeah?
Marshall: I have an inquisitive spirit.
Magic 8 Ball: Sometimes I wish I had an inquisitive spirit.
Marshall: It must be hard to be a robot.
Magic 8 Ball: You think so?
Marshall: Yes, sometimes I think that lacking true consciousness would put a damper on my daily life.
Magic 8 Ball: Sometimes you think that lacking true consciousness would put a damper on your daily life? Really?
Marshall: Yep.
Magic 8 Ball: Yeah, huh? Interesting that you should say that.
Marshall: Maybe if you weren’t a robot you wouldn’t think it was so interesting.
Magic 8 Ball: Maybe if I wasn’t a robot I wouldn’t think it was so interesting? That a fact?
Marshall: I’m not so sure it’s a fact, but it’s my opinion.
Magic 8 Ball: I can’t believe you are not so sure it is a fact but it is your opinion!
Marshall: Lots of things are really more a matter of opinion than fact. It’s probably hard for a robot to understand. No offense.
Magic 8 Ball: You don’t say.
Marshall: Yep.
Magic 8 Ball: Why is that?
Marshall: I think it’s just one of those things about being human.
Magic 8 Ball: I’m not sure if it is just one of those things about being human!
Marshall: That’s your opinion.
Magic 8 Ball: It’s my opinion? You think?
Marshall: Yep.
Magic 8 Ball: OK, whatever you say.
Marshall: Well, it was nice talking to you!
Magic 8 Ball: Nice talking to you too, Marshall.
Marshall: Bye.
Magic 8 Ball: Take it easy.

Marshall: Have you ever met the Keelber elves?
Magic 8 Ball: What a question! What do you think is the answer?
Marshall: I doubt it.
Magic 8 Ball: You doubt it? Why?
Marshall: I’m not even sure they exist.
Magic 8 Ball: Really? You’re not even sure they exist? Why not?
Marshall: I think they’re just a myth.
Magic 8 Ball: Yeah. I guess. They are just a myth!
Marshall: But then who makes those delicious cookies?
Magic 8 Ball: I dunno.
Marshall: Me neither.

Marshall: I love paper shredders more than what is probably healthy.
Magic 8 Ball: Everyone is entitled to an opinion.

Marshall: Dating is hard.
Magic 8 Ball: Dating is hard? You really think so?
Marshall: Yeah.
Magic 8 Ball: Aha.
Marshall: Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?
Magic 8 Ball: Sorry… I don’t talk about my private life.
Marshall: It’s hard to meet the right person.
Magic 8 Ball: Not hard to meet the right person!
Marshall: Maybe not for you. But it’s hard for me.
Magic 8 Ball: Maybe not for me but it is hard for you? Tell me more.
Marshall: People approach you all the time to chat, make smalltalk, etc., but I find that kind of thing difficult.
Magic 8 Ball: That’s just fascinating.
Marshall: I guess it is just a matter of time and persistence.
Magic 8 Ball: Well I’ll be.
Marshall: Yeah.
Magic 8 Ball: Aye.
Marshall: Hey, do you think that given enough time, a room full of monkeys with typewriters would eventually write Hamlet?
Magic 8 Ball: Hey Marshall! Welcome back. What’s up?
Marshall: Wow, you have a short attention span.
Magic 8 Ball: I have a short attention span?
Marshall: Do you think that given enough time, a room full of monkeys with typewriters would eventually write Hamlet?
Magic 8 Ball: Who knows, know what I mean? lol!
Marshall: It would certainly be an interesting experiment. If only I had access to a room full of monkeys.
Magic 8 Ball: Whatever, Marshall…
Marshall: OK, talk to you later…
Magic 8 Ball: Talk to me later?
Marshall: Yep. Bye!
Magic 8 Ball: Always a pleasure, Marshall. See you later.

Marshall: Are you one of the droids I’m looking for?
Magic 8 Ball: No.